December 19, 2010

Moment of honesty

I'm thrilled to be 20 lbs of pure lard lighter. 5.6% lost my first go around at Paleo. Not bad right?

Two weeks ago several co-workers even remarked on noticeable weight loss. That felt great. Last week I started noticing more definition in my arms and was consistently using a new notch on my belt. Again, felt great.

I should be thrilled. But I'm not.

Why? Because I've been stuck at this weight for the last two weeks. Up a few pounds, down a few pounds, up again. I've been burning up grey matter trying to figure out what in the world I've been doing wrong. I've only had one cheat meal for crying out loud. Was it my not eating enough last week? Didn't have an appetite as I was sick and missed a few workouts. Was it my apple almost every day that I started adding into the rotation? Was it the fish oil I started taking or the colostrum that helps me fight off colds, but has a little soy in it? How have I been screwing this thing up? (Can you smell the smoke from my brain?)

Thankfully had a little chat with Sheena today as I was hitting the rower and determined to move some heavy stuff (you're a life saver woman!). Maybe my body is trying to figure out what the heck I'm doing and if it can survive on this stuff. Maybe I have more cortisol running through my body as I've had a few nights of little to no sleep due to hacking up a lung or two. Maybe it's the stress of trying to make some wise decisions lately.

Bottom line: I like how I feel when I eat Paleo. I like cooking this way. I like this life-style. So even if the next 20lbs don't melt away like the first, I need to keep going. My body will just have to adjust to my will on this one.

I read a great quote this week from a guy I really respect (and share a birthday with): "Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will" (Mahatma Gandhi). I haven't reached my goal of cleaning and jerking 125 lbs yet. I still can't do a pull-up. I still need much work on my snatch ... but I'm focusing on what's ahead, and tackling whatever gets thrown at me in the WODs and OLY as best as I possibly can. I trust that this will bring progress, just as I trust eating Paleo is more beneficial than any other way I've eaten over the last few years. (As a side note, a friend doing Weight Watchers just told me that they changed their point system and made it much more beneficial to eat the way that I'm eating. Maybe they are catching on?)

So where does that leave me? Tonight I'm having a cheat meal. In fact, I'm just not gonna care what I put into my body today. Then I'm back on it, because I want to be back on it. For the holiday's I'm going to let my standards be a little looser and not be so strict at every meal. Not planning on going over board, but if a homemade desert is offered me ... I'm giving myself permission to enjoy it. But only if I really want it. If someone offers me something I don't think is worth it ... well, then it's on a different spectrum on the F*** Off scale, and I'm going to remain steady in refusing to be guilted into eating these deadly foods (http://whole9life.com/2010/12/the-healthy-f-off-scale-version-2-0/).

There is one more anchor I'm choosing to hold on to: "So let's not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don't give up" (Gal 6:9). This principle of sowing and reaping is one I've seen proven again and again my life and many others'. Living on a farm for a few years I became intimately acquainted with the fact that you don't sow and reap in the same season. Instant gratification rarely is worth it. This is one more reason to keep on keeping on. The harvest will come ... one day, I'll hit those goals. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but surely faster than if I went back to eating crap.



PS: I debated posting some pics, but don't want to cause anyone to hurl. I will say that the side shots actually do show how much belly fat I've lost ... and that makes me excited!

6 comments:

  1. Anja,
    I am so happy for you!! Don't lose faith. I am sure your week of not feeling well/not eating enough had to have something to do with it. I too was having amazing results until I started the dreaded ob/gyn rotation that has me constantly box, sleep and food deprived; my progress came to a screeching halt. Although I have not lost any more weight I have thankfully maintained my loss. I was not able to go to the box for two weeks and was TERRIFIED when I was able to go feeling like I was going to get my butt handed to me......but, I cranked out the workout just like before and felt great afterwards!!!
    I'm not sure what your weight loss/gain history is, but if it's anything like mine then it's easy to be fixated on numbers. Re-read your post and notice how many positives you have by eating paleo!! Forget the scale, it's irrelevant at this point. Focus on the belt that you keep tightening, the positive comments from folks who know and love you, and the way you feel! But you already know this!!! Congratulations and by the way, you look fabulous!
    Holly

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  2. Great post Anja! Congrats on all the great work!!! You can totally see the difference and I bet you feel 100% better! Also keep in mind that muscle weighs more than fat so the scale could also be reflecting increases there - which is why it is good to ignore the scale.

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  3. Anja,

    Congratulations on your amazing results. One does indeed reap what they sow. Your determination comes through in every post.

    Keep the faith! I have not been able to complete a pull up either. I have not yet been able to do more than 4 sonsecutive double unders but I will continue to work at it as I know you will. Just think where we might be if we weren't a part of WCCF and if we hadn't experienced Paleo. One of this things I try to use as my mantra is "Progress. . .not perfection".

    Congratulations!

    Super G

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  4. Dear Anja:!

    Your results are incredible! Well done sista! Plus, you competed in the Oly Tournament, which can be completely humiliating (except us lifters know that if you flub a lift, you're really, most likley, improving).

    From my experience and knowledge I want you to remember, you are an experiment of one! There is no other like you. The paleo diet will not respond the same to others as it has to you and vice versa.

    The scale is not a friend. Honestly. I learned the hard way. I leaned out last year from a self-induced paleo challenge. It wasn't until April/May that I ventured to buy some new clothes where I was flabbergasted. I went from an 8 to a 0-2. No lie. The scale didn't move but 5-7 lbs. Shoot, I called each of my 4 sister. Keep going. Carbs are not bad. Processed food is bad. Carbs are helpful. It's knowing how your body works and what you can do.

    Well done on this challenge. 20 lbs is blowing my mind. You will reach your goals. We will help you. Keep it up sista!

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  5. Thanks ladies. I do love this community.

    Thoroughly enjoyed a deep dish pizza with lots of meat, a Moosehead, and fun times with friends and their kiddos yesterday.

    Back at this morning. (Though I'm surprised I feel fine after this cheat. Expected to feel at least a little bad having given my body cheese and beer for the first time in 6 weeks.)

    Holly --- so true. You encourage me to keep going and going. Way to stick with it and stay in it during a tough time. Your determination is rubbing off.

    Yaz --- I'm gonna try to ignore that scale. Gonna try ...

    Gwen --- that saying reminds me of something my pastor drilled into us last year. Oh so true. I like it. Thanks for the reminder.

    Beck --- thanks! I've found it amazing that some of the women at WCCF aren't lighter by the dreaded scale standard. They remind me that I don't really want to go after some arbitrary number. I want to go after fit and healthy. The ability to move heavy weights is of more interest to me than getting down to some "skinny" number on the scale.

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  6. Anja,

    Nice work in this. Seriously, you have done some great work as we all have. I vividly remember a couple of years ago at the Chicago Marathon as the race was starting the announcer said, "Congratulations on doing something that 99.99% of the people in the world have never attempted." I thought that was so cool. I very much feel that way about CrossFit, that we are all trying to take care of our bodies and lives in a visionary way that most people do not have the knowledge or discipline (or pain tolerance) to even attempt. My family has made fun of me for years about the way I work out and the way I eat, my 8 months at WCCF have made them think that I have completely departed reality. That is OK, I am good with it.

    We are all on a journey. We are all getting better. That is huge. I have to constantly remember to focus on my improvement and not comparing myself to others (especially when I put my front squat PR of 165 right underneath Sheena's new PR of 215. Nice combination of respect and humility there).

    I know that I am a guy so I am therefore a) kind of an idiot and b) have little credibility on this issue, but I agree that the number on the scale is largely irrelevant. I want to be leaner, and the paleo challenge made a bigger impact on that than any marathon or triathlon I've ever completed, so I am pretty happy.

    Sorry to ramble, I actually got more than 5 hours of sleep last night for the first time in a week so I am in a very euphoric place.

    Have a very happy, merry, or feliz whatever you are all into.

    Colin X

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